America Is Doomed

I was browsing the San Jose Mercury News earlier yesterday, trying to keep my blood pressure within reason. (Yes, I'm a masochist.) There was recently a kerfluffle about a local fellow arrested for having an unloaded pistol while walking within 1,000 feet of a school, so I figured I'd check out the letters column and see if anyone had written about it.

Instead, I found the following:

Founding Fathers had no TV

Turning down the volume of TV commercials is not "petty" as Chris Haugen argues (Letters, Dec. 21). The average American spends three years of his or her life just watching and listening to TV ads. That's an insidious problem, not a petty one. Furthermore, Haugen claimed that Congress doesn't have the "authority" because the U.S. Constitution didn't "delineate" those matters. Did he forget that the Founding Fathers didn't have TV, not even commercial-free C-SPAN.

Jerry Sheahan
 San Jose 

My brain hurts just trying to process Jerry's words, as if they were Vogon poetry, but here's the background: One of our esteemed Representatives to Congress has introduced a bill that would regulate the volume at which television ads are broadcast. Now, if you've ever watched TV you've probably noticed that the ads tend to be of a much higher volume than the program material. This is done to grab your attention and ensure that you're hearing every word the advertiser has to say while you're in the kitchen grabbing more refreshments.

It's annoying, I'll admit. It forces me to keep the remote in hand, ready to strike the "mute" button at the end of each program segment. Oh, the indignity that's heaped upon me by those dastardly advertisers! If only there were someone to save me from this!

Never mind the fact that there are technical solutions already out there in the marketplace. Let's legislate the minutia of everyday life and crush several small businesses and technologies out there that address the issue.

Now, back to Jerry's letter. Jerry asserts that the average American spends three years watching ads. Three years?! Here's a suggestion: Get off your keister and quit watching so much TV. Whoops, did I just solve the national obesity epidemic, too? Shame on me.

Jerry's last point is really where I pop the top off the ol' sphygmonanometer. Does he have any inkling of the purpose for the Constitution, or is it just some nice, flowery prose to break-in the quill pen used to write any law Congress wants? The Constitution and the Bill of Rights are there to specifically enumerate and limit the powers of the Federal government. It doesn't matter what neat new things the future brings to us. The role of government in America is to secure the individual freedoms and blessings of liberty, not to control the volume at which Jerry listens to ads.

Comments

[Curt]

Nice Hitchhiker's reference!

Jerry would perhaps be a volunteer to become the first THX1138.